capnbuckle

"It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning. It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion."

After 20 years of wanting to have my teeth straightened, I've finally started the process. I chose to use Invisalign, mainly for hygienic reasons: I can remove them, eat, and then properly brush and floss with no obstruction...then put them back in.

But now I have a problem: My preferred sources of caffeine are coffee (espresso if it's available), and Dr. Pepper. Tea would probably be the closest third option. However, with the aligners, I am not supposed to eat or drink hot or sugary beverages with the aligners in my mouth.

So, expanding on that, I need a new caffeine source that meets the following criteria:

• Not hot. (It could be cold, or room temperature, or whatever.)


• Not sugary.


• Not eaten. (No espresso brownies, caffeinated mints, etc.)


• Not acidic. (I'm assuming this one. Seems like it would be a bad thing to potentially have an acid trapped directly against the enamel of one's teeth.)


• Not an "energy drink". (Red Bull, Monster Energy, Bawls, Sum Poosie[1], or 5 Hour Energy. It's my own bias, but I simply don't trust them. Besides, a lot of them probably have sugar or are acidic.

I suppose I could...you know...sleep more. If I have to. I guess.

But aside from that, the only options I can really find are time-release caffeine capsules, but those won't allow me to meditate over a cup of steaming brew as I plot the evil exploits of the day; and there is also caffeinated soap, which would be great if I can take 4 to 8 showers at the office, each day. (Yes, my coffee intake might seem excessive, to some.)

I suppose I could try popping out the aligners, chugging a cup of joe (esophageal lining be damned!), brushing my teeth and popping the aligners back in...

...but that just doesn't seem like a sustainable schedule.


[1] I mention this one only to say: Oh my GOD this stuff is horrid! A bit like...I dunno...sweetened antifreeze? (...Or at least what I imagine sweetened antifreeze might taste like.) Imagine if a bubble-gum-flavored cream soda could go stale...or rancid...or both. Yuck.